on sleepless nights

lately, sleep has escaped me. why? who knows. heightened anxiety over everything is the name of my mind's game right now. which is unfortunate most of the time, but it has led me here, so maybe it's not all bad.

graham is growing at lightening speed these days. he's putting words together and counting to two. he's 'luboo' ing back when i say, 'i love you'. he snuggles, and he snuggles, and he snuggles. thank heavens, i am so glad that particular trait has not faded. he is as beautiful as ever and funny sometimes, too. 

every now and again, when i look at him, it feels like time freezes us for just a moment. there he is joyful as can be in the middle of the living room, sun streaming through the windows around us. there i am on my knees a few feet away smiling back. and nothing moves. his face imprints itself in my mind. and my insides begin to cry, for the time that will never be stopped and for the overwhelming hopes and dreams of a lifetime with my boy. my boy.

the blondest, bluest, tallest, little man. that one belongs to me. or i should say i belong to him? who knows anymore.

life is better now.